I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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