Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i think i just lost a toe
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
