Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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