If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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