I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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