Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
