My boss' voice literally gives me gas
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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