omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
