do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
