I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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