Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
