when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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