Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
