so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
