I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
