i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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