I love black thongs
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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