if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
