I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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