The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Two words: blizzard sex
Pants are for mortals
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
