just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
