You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
