Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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