I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
