just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
