youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
