so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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