I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
