Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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