The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
