Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
