Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
