...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she told me i tasted like america
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
