it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
