I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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