At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
