Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
