Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
