and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
