Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Two words: blizzard sex
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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