After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
