two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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