They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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