Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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