You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
