So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
