she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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