White coat. Heels.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
