like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How does one acquire holy water?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
