Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
