Do you still have your period?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
