Walk of Shame. In a state park.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
