we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
