I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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