She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
