Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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